My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
