I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
