she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There r osticjed everywhere
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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