Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
