so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
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Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize