my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
