At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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