I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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