its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
