oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I believe in your delicious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
