first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
