I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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