He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
