Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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