he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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