you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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