I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash