I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this