he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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