I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have fence marks all over my body
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
