I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence