It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
