so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
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I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think my nap took me to another dimension
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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