I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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