Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
