how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
