Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
