i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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