I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
