This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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