call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
