You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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