Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
