you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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