I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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