My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
