You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
