my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
