it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
