Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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