If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
