Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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