you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
