Jerry, you need to find god
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
