if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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