I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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