I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
