Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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