Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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