i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
