David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
