We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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