just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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