and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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