I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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