I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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