I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
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After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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