Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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