well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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