just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
