My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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