I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
