It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
