it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
