Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
