Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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