if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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