She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
