I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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